What Would Democratic Socialism Look Like – A Lighter Look… Maybe?


Let’s take a quick look at what America might look like if the Progressive Socialists and the Democratic Socialists, along with the mandates they wish to rule us with would come to fruition. It’s not a pretty picture, but according to them, it’s all Double Pinky Promise nice and sweet Socialism.

Their Socialism is not the harsh, vicious, violent, and unforgiving Socialism of Maduro, Mao, Stalin, Castro, and their ilk. Not at all. Their Socialism is kind, benevolent, giving, fair, sympathetic, empathetic, touchy-feely, good Socialism.

Let’s imagine a land ruled over by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Cory Booker, Kamala Harris, Robert Francis “Pepe” O’Rourke and Elizabeth Warren. Each of these Socialists extols the virtues Socialism, and many of their platforms definitely overlap, in fact most of them do.

The Democrats swear up and down, even with decades of empirical evidence proving otherwise, that Socialism is the only way forward. Capitalism is evil, wicked, mean, and nasty and needs to be defeated and erased from the Earth.

We’ll just call AOC/CB/KH/RFPO/EW’s brands of Socialism collectively “Democratic Socialism” hereafter.

In “normal” Socialism, everything is theoretically provided for you by the government, so you are all 100% equal. In Cuba’s Socialism, a brain surgeon makes $28 a month and a ditch digger makes $28 a month, that is total equality. Equally poor.

First off, don’t worry about jobs because as promised this was the #1 Top Priority of this administration. So we’ve got jobs custom tailored for each and every one of you. We’ll tell you what to do, where to go and when to be there. And you will be there, on time, or you’ll be reassigned to the “Re-education School” for comprehensive training and instruction. Nice huh?

But we won’t pay people the measly $28 a month as in Cuba. We’ll pay everyone $1,000 a week to do your assigned duties. That’s right, everyone will make $4,000 a month! Oh yeah! Everyone is equally rich! Woo woo!!!

Ok so yeah, income tax is 70%, bread is $9 a loaf, water and milk are $18 a gallon, Soylet Green (not to be confused with “soylent green” of that banned capitalistic movie) is $31 a pound, but whatcha’ gonna do? You have to eat.

For those who consider themselves thinkers, poets, musicians, artists, or you just really don’t want to work a “real job”, that is no problem. We’ll pay you the normal stipend of $1,000 a week, but you must promise to at least think about working at some point in the future. Thank you for your consideration.

Housing was the #1 Top Priority of the administration. We realized that housing has been a huge issue as many people couldn’t afford to buy a nice home. So we’ve nationalized all the single-family private homes, businesses, motels/hotels, apartment complexes, condominiums, townhomes, duplexes, warehouses, storage facilities, and other structures and will allocate the resources fairly, per our directives.

We are in the process of assigning you and your family adequate housing, just as soon at it is available. Be sure you’ve filled out the requisite Citizen’s Housing Allocation Guide and Application that you would have received at your previous home or apartment or wherever you lived before we annexed them and moved you to a government approved site.

If you did not fill out the Guide and Application you can resubmit it by contacting your Ward Chairman and arranging an interview with a local Captain who can then contact his Grid Chief to determine if you need to resubmit the Guide and Application.

Unfortunately, we’ve got a bit of a backlog on all types of housing currently as we’re having to house all the Hondurans and Venezuelans, illegal aliens, MS-13 members and their families, plus all of the former-prisoners that were released from all the State and Federal prisons when they were closed last year.

And don’t worry about all of our homeless Veterans and Vets with PTSD, as they are the absolute #1 Top Priority of this administration. Our veterans deserve the absolute best care America can provide. They earned it.

But as you’ll all agree on, right(?), our first order of business is staffing and making sure that all of our sanctuary cities have adequate housing for the homeless, drug addicts and especially our friends and neighbors in MS-13 and their families and ex-prisoners, which was a #1 Top Priority of this administration.

But trust us, we’re looking at the homeless/PTSD Veteran thingy real hard and we expect some movement on it by the end of the year. But there are real people out there with real needs. This is no time for us to be selfish. Somebody has to sacrifice.

Just remember we have a real obligation with our Homes for Hondurans and Villas for Venezuelans programs which was a #1 Top Priority of this administration. We’ve moved over 5 million Hondurans and Venezuelans into new homes in the past 2 years, along with 2.8 million drug addicts, 15.2 million illegals and 8.4 million ex-inmates.

The vets will just have to wait their turn for their assigned housing. I mean they were like in the military right? They should suck it up and quit whining as they should be used to waiting in line by now. OK, let’s move on.

Now, the huge Elephant in the room, Energy, which is the #1 Top Priority of this administration. Yes, we have been forced to confiscate your cars, boats, motorcycles, and airplanes for two reasons.

  1. So that you are weaned off of those evil and dirty fossil fuels once and for all. Oil, gas, diesel, kerosene, naptha, natural gas, all go away for good. Also we’ll be de-commissioning all nuclear power plants forthwith. We will be replacing the fossil fuels with newer, more innovative, sustainable, green power sources in the near future. (These new power sources have yet to be discovered and/or invented as of this writing but we’ve got 4 study groups, 3 committees, 2 ex-global warming scientists and Bernie Sanders working on it, so it’s all good).
  2. And so that we can better serve your transportation needs with high-speed rail to everywhere you want to go, which will be wherever we decide to install rail lines.
  3. The good news is that you will be allowed limited use of bicycles and horses at the Government’s discretion.

Getting rid of methane gas emissions was much more difficult than expected. Until our global-warming scientists discovered that humans actually expel methane gas also, not just cows, we were faced with a dilemma of epic proportions.

Do we get rid of people or do we get rid of the poor, poor cows? We’ve already have a good headstart on offing people with our new Abortions for Everyone Everywhere Even After Birth Program, which was a #1 Top Priority of this administration. So we were forced to make a gut-wrenching decision.

And yeah, we decided to kill all the cows because of their incessant farting and farting and farting, they just wouldn’t stop! Too much methane gas. But don’t worry, we’ve got some new replacement burgers, steaks and meat for you called Soylet Green, again, not to be confused with “soylent green”. Ours is like as nutritious as real meat, and is really good tasting stuff, has a 50-year shelf life, and comes in two flavors, Light and Dark.

And of course, health care for all citizens is our #1 Top Priority. Every citizen will have the same Platinum Health Plan, which covers all of your health care needs from birth to death. You are 100% covered for all healthcare, dental care, mental disorders, major surgery, childbirth, minor surgery, accidents, etc.

Remember, you must call ahead for your appointment, preferably 16-20 months ahead of your illnesses onset. No walk-ins accepted.

If you have a medical emergency, please call 555 and leave your name, address, phone number (home and cell), zip code, your social security number, age, birthdate, district number, neighborhood grid number, your lot number, your children’s birthdays starting with the youngest first, your Mother’s maiden name, and your ward Captain’s badge number and last name (in that order). We’ll get back to you ASAP, usually within 72 – 96 hours to arrange a phone consultation.

As we are experiencing a shortage of doctors and nurses that is causing a backlog at our major hospitals and clinics, we are expediting the M.D. Certification process, shortening the curriculum from 8 years plus residency to 1 year plus residency.

We’ve also removed the licensing requirements adopted by the antiquated AMA, and upon your 1 year of intensive medical and surgical instruction and your 1-year residency you are grandfathered into the medical society, nationwide.

Contrary to popular belief, the shortage of doctors has nothing to do with the Commandante’s #1 Tippy Top Priority of expediting Transgender Reassignment Surgeries. This is a vicious smear campaign started by capitalists and their sycophants.

The Doctor shortage also has nothing to do with Commandante’s program to accept and treat all sick people from all 3rd World countries. His latest program has met with a high level of support from the People with the latest poll showing 98.3% of citizens approving of unlimited healthcare to all non-citizens.

On a side note, last week the National Thought Police arrested over 5.7 million citizens on unspecified felony charges. They are being held without bail until their trial dates which will be set at their arraignments in early 2022.

We, as Democratic Americans, are not only happy to, but are obligated to sacrifice and make available the resources to make sure that we are a fair and generous country.

We realize this is an amazing society we are creating with our new brand of Democratic Socialism. We are all one, and one are all. We will forge ahead together. Forward against capitalism. Progressive policies, so good they must be mandated. Listen and obey.

One huge tippy top problem though, the economy, which was the #1 Top Priority of this administration. We have to pay for everything now. We had always just assumed we could simply “pay for it” like Alex said, but we like found out that the government doesn’t like really have trillions of dollars in the bank and they can’t just “print” money.

We don’t know why because you just push a button, right? Turn on the switch. Like duhhh. But we’ll work on that after we implement Phase I and II.

So that means we gotta get rid of the parasites, those evil rich people that suck the lifeblood and the money from the working man and woman. We’ll take their money and distribute it to the people because being rich is a crime against the State and against the wishes of the collective. We can all agree on this, right? RIGHT?

And to build this new, equal and inclusive society, we are taking down all of the capitalist pigs that owned and or ran the rich companies. All of them. Even Google and Amazon thought they were too big to fail, and they were wrong. We’ll use that money to pay for the 1st Generation of all the wonderful programs we listed above.

Our economists say that if a citizen has over $250,000 in total assets, it should be considered hoarding and we’ll confiscate all of their money, their companies, their assets, their homes, their boats, their cars, their airplanes, their furs and diamonds, their sports teams, and their country clubs which we’ll turn into Homes for Hondurans and Villas for Venezuelans.

The rest of the confiscated ill-gotten gains will be re-distributed to those in need. That will take care of all of our problems!

And then after we run out of the first crop of rich people, we’ll just uhhh… we’ll like y’know ummm like take it from somebody else or like ummm print more money or we can… So many choices…

No wait… Those people we left with under $250,000 are now the rich ones! We can just take their money and all of their stuff! Let’s go get ’em! That’ll take care of all of our problems! They’ve been making their money off the backs of the working man forever and are capitalist pigs.

Then 2 years later we’ll think of something else. Though Alex says the smartest thing to do would be to just print tons of money with more 0’s, not less 0’s like Maduro did. That was what he did wrong. She figured it out.

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